my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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