haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
