this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize