Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
