we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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