if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
