Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
