I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
