it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We need to get me chipped asap
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
