i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
