It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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