...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
