Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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