Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
