im having a threesome with these popsicles
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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