Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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