you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
