I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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