...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
