I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
