Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
