God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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