I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
