hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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