I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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