Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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