I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
