My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
