nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
