new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
