shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There r osticjed everywhere
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
