When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
