so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
