ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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