would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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