At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
