the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
