She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize