He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
