Kiss
Puke
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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