Ambien. No doubt about it.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
