My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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