Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
