If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Pants are for mortals
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
