Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
