her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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