The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize