she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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