I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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