Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
