There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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