Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
