Kiss
Puke
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
