I'm jealous of your bromance
it was like eating out sand paper
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize