she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
