shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
