i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
