Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
