apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My cat gives me a boner
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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